Michael Jackson was more than a celebrity in my home while I was growing up. He was a part of our lives…my life.

• He was the first musician I loved and whose album I bought on my own.
• I learned to dance to Billy Jean, Triller, Bad, and Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough.
• I knew how to moon walk before I was 10.
• Some of the best memories from my childhood were spent with my family dancing and goofing off with MJ playing the background.
• I got to stay up late to watch the world primere of “Black or White” and “Remember the Time” – I thought music videos as we knew them were changed forever.
• I have watched the entire Smooth Criminal video over 100 times.
• I spent a whole summer skating to the nearest USPS box to drop off a letter every day to MJ. I sent the letters to Neverland Ranch…I never got a response.
• I felt special to share a birthday with MJ – August 29th (I didn’t think it was just a coincidence)

Now that he’s actually gone, it brings a very surreal feeling to me. I feel like he’s actually been dead for a long time or he’s some ancient artist that never really existed during my time – like Elvis or the Beatles. I was never waiting for him to release a new song that was going to change my life. Most of the music I loved from him was made before I was born or just a child.

The Michael Jackson that I loved was not the Michael Jackson that died last Thursday. The Michael Jackson I loved has been gone for a long time. So…I didn’t cry much (only once), I don’t watch any of the commemorative TV specials, and I don’t care if people make crude jokes about MJ. His music will still have a place in my heart the same way it has my whole life.

On Saturday, Mark and I attended the much dreaded Childbirth class at our hospital to prepare ourselves for the coming of our baby girl.

As horrific as the videos were, we actually left the 8-hour class feeling really good and much more prepared for what awaits us. 

There are so many important moments and events in our life that don’t come with an instructional class which makes me think - childbirth must be the most important event of them all. 

We will observe many weddings, funerals, graduations, and anniversaries…but this special event of childbirth requires a miracle to make it happen.

6 weeks and counting…

As my due date quickly approaches (JULY 24), I am realizing that my life will never be the same. It is a new life in every sense of the phrase – a new life in my baby girl, a new life for me, a new life for Mark.

Besides the most obvious of having a baby this summer, here’s what’s also changing and brewing:

• We are leaving our beloved church family at ORCC to following God’s calling to help start a church plant – Life Song Worship Center. Kick off day is Sept. 13th.
• Mark will be leaving his job that he loves in order for us to plant this church. Appliance repair anyone?
• I have started to fervently pursue my Wedding Hair and Makeup business. I’m booked almost every weekend through the end of September (except for 6 weeks where I’ll be home with baby June.) Check out my humble beginnings: Wedding Hair and Makeup
• Every room in our house has been reorganized and flooded with baby stuff. June already has more belongings than Mark and I combined. It’s like we are living in a new house.

That’s really all for now. We desperately need your prayers. The things listed above are requiring a huge amount of sacrifice, tears, and commitment from us. We won’t give up, we won’t back down, we won’t relent.

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me if only I can finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me…the task of testifying to the gospel of  God’s grace. -Acts 20:24 (I have this verse tattooed on my wrist…it has never meant more to me than right now).

Last year, I wrote this post about Mother’s Day. It was a cry from my heart to be a mom. A cry for hope.

It’s such a miracle that this year I got to celebrate mother’s day as an expectant mother. Mark rolled out the red carpet for me and really made me feel special. I was totally shocked when a few of my friends also got me cards and gifts. I think I’m really going to like Mother’s day in the future – it’s like an extra birthday!!!

As I said in the post last year – KEEP YOUR HOPES UP! Whatever you are praying for…God really does give us the desires of our hearts. This baby inside of me is a testament to God’s love and faithfulness. What more could I ask for?

This is my new phrase…as you can see below, it’s soooo true. According to the crazy fruit and vegetable comparison, my precious baby girl is the size of a head of cabbage. I don’t know why they insist on comparing my baby to food…maybe it’s because food is all I can think about these days – well, food and the baby of course. Only 9 weeks to go – here’s to the pregnant life!

Mark took this picture when I wasn't paying attention.

The past couple of months have been so fun, busy and new. My interests are changing everyday – I’m literally evolving into a new creature – A MOMMY…

This transformation is bringing a new “denial of self” that the new testament talks about so often. No longer am I making decisions based on my selfish desires (well…sometimes I do), but now, each decision is made in light of the tiny life inside of me. What to eat, when to sleep, what to spend (or not spend) money on…

If I can change my behaviors and lay down my own desires for this child I don’t even really know yet, how much more should I abandon my fleshly desires in light of the SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE that lives inside of me?

I wonder what else this little child will teach me about my savior, my salvation, and my calling.

A thousand new thoughts go through my head every day (I’m conviced this is the reason why I forget so much “regular” stuff). Thoughts like: how can I get up as little as possible today? Wow, my wedding ring feels tighter! Whoa…look at my ankles! Is that rumbling in my stomach the taco salad or little June kicking around?

Every part of me wants to be brave and act like I’m feeling and doing great. The truth is…I’m terrified. What if my baby won’t sleep through the night, what if she has colic, should I use a pacifier? It seems everyone has an opinion about these things (a very strong opinion) and there’s so much judgement in motherhood. My friend can’t get the hang of breast feeding and she gets treated like she threw her baby down a well. The pressure is already mounting up!

As I ponder these things, I will continue to waddle around, put my feet up, and eat popsicles…

I had the very rare opportunity to sit in a room with 150 brilliant CEOs – incredibly accomplished individuals to say the least. They had all gathered to hear the CEO of my company give a presentation about “The Politics of International Business”…sounds so boring…right? What they got instead was a sincere message from an incredible man about his family, faith and business.

He spoke about the explosive growth our company experienced in the past 10 years, and he also detailed the anguish of watching the company stock go from $70 to $2 within 6 weeks. I was completely captivated by his personal story and journey of the past six months. Above all, I was completely shocked and inspiried with his transparency about his faith. He didn’t hold back in this very initimidating room. He let everyone know that “with God, all things are possible” and when he was asked how he managed his way through it all, he simply said, “I have to be honest…I pray alot. And through prayer, I gain the wisdom and strengh I need to do my job.”

He described his job as CEO of a Fortune 500 company as a ministry.

Maybe you’ll never be in “full time church ministry”, but you can inspire and change people right where you are. My CEO changed my life…and he’s not even a pastor.

One of the best, most-usable skills to have in the universe:

TO NOT BE EASILY OFFENDED

Learn it. Use it. You can thank me later.

My mind and emotions have been swimming in the deep end lately. I can’t believe I haven’t posted in 2 weeks. That’s the longest I’ve ever gone without spilling my guts for the world to read.

I think it’s time for some spillage, but I can’t seem to get my thoughts in order. Tomorrow, I will have a good post. I promise. I’m not a dead link. And I’m not a mom blog (even though I can hardly keep my mind of my precious little baby girl, June). Here’s what happened in the past 2 weeks:

1. We felt June kick on the outside of my tummy for the first time – magical.
2. We had house guests from Missouri.
3. We are welcoming Joshua White into our home tonight. This will be our first “face-to-face” with anyone from the internets.
4. My face has gotten fatter – I’m fairly sure of this even though my friends swear it’s not true.
5. French fries make my feet swell up, but I can’t seem to stay away from them.
6. I started watching the HBO series, Big Love. It’s just wrong.
7. We had a snow storm and 2 snow days.
8. God taught me some lessons.
9. I miss my blog friends.