judi free!

Last night, Mark and I had the opportunity to be inspired again. Inspiration is breath for your dreams. It’s the lifeblood of your hopes.  The funny thing about inspiration though is that you must act upon it immediately for it to have any effect on your dreams or else it becomes a cold wind of despair and dried up bones…just a hope that cannot possibly become a reality. Inspiration can even become bitterness – “how can they be so successful at it and not me?”.

So, what am I going to do with this beautiful thing called inspiration? I’m going to hide it in my heart and make 3 changes today:

1. Pray more
2. Practice more
3. Love more

It sounds simple, but really, these are the things that I neglect everyday. I know that if I’m faithful to do these things, the Lord will direct my steps and my works to align with His will. Be inspired today and make a change now.

As my due date quickly approaches (JULY 24), I am realizing that my life will never be the same. It is a new life in every sense of the phrase – a new life in my baby girl, a new life for me, a new life for Mark.

Besides the most obvious of having a baby this summer, here’s what’s also changing and brewing:

• We are leaving our beloved church family at ORCC to following God’s calling to help start a church plant – Life Song Worship Center. Kick off day is Sept. 13th.
• Mark will be leaving his job that he loves in order for us to plant this church. Appliance repair anyone?
• I have started to fervently pursue my Wedding Hair and Makeup business. I’m booked almost every weekend through the end of September (except for 6 weeks where I’ll be home with baby June.) Check out my humble beginnings: Wedding Hair and Makeup
• Every room in our house has been reorganized and flooded with baby stuff. June already has more belongings than Mark and I combined. It’s like we are living in a new house.

That’s really all for now. We desperately need your prayers. The things listed above are requiring a huge amount of sacrifice, tears, and commitment from us. We won’t give up, we won’t back down, we won’t relent.

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me if only I can finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me…the task of testifying to the gospel of  God’s grace. -Acts 20:24 (I have this verse tattooed on my wrist…it has never meant more to me than right now).

My mind and emotions have been swimming in the deep end lately. I can’t believe I haven’t posted in 2 weeks. That’s the longest I’ve ever gone without spilling my guts for the world to read.

I think it’s time for some spillage, but I can’t seem to get my thoughts in order. Tomorrow, I will have a good post. I promise. I’m not a dead link. And I’m not a mom blog (even though I can hardly keep my mind of my precious little baby girl, June). Here’s what happened in the past 2 weeks:

1. We felt June kick on the outside of my tummy for the first time – magical.
2. We had house guests from Missouri.
3. We are welcoming Joshua White into our home tonight. This will be our first “face-to-face” with anyone from the internets.
4. My face has gotten fatter – I’m fairly sure of this even though my friends swear it’s not true.
5. French fries make my feet swell up, but I can’t seem to stay away from them.
6. I started watching the HBO series, Big Love. It’s just wrong.
7. We had a snow storm and 2 snow days.
8. God taught me some lessons.
9. I miss my blog friends.

Mark beautifully recounted the memorial service that we attended yesterday for the miraculous life of Mason.

The young couple that lost Mason never knew Jesus, attended a church service or even prayed before they found out about the fate of their precious child. When the doctors told them at just 5 months pregnant that Mason wouldn’t live more than 10 minutes after birth, they found the closest church (ORCC) and gave their lives to Christ.

I got to meet them shortly after they started attending ORCC, and they have radically changed my life. Their faith, their understanding of the Word, their hunger for the Holy Spirit – it all took me by surprise. How could such “baby Christians” already have such an amazing grasp on loving Jesus? Shouldn’t their faith be shaken? Shouldn’t they lose hope faster than I do? Even now, after they lost Mason, they are still an inspiration and encouragement to me.

It makes me wonder what I may have lost in translation being raised in church. Have I become numb by reciting “church-isms”, singing songs, and quoting scripture that I don’t fully understand myself? Did faith lose it’s true meaning as I was praying for my 10-speed bike to be fixed and my barbie to be found? Did Jesus become a character like Santa or the tooth fairy?

What would it be like if I heard the Word and accepted Jesus as my savior for the first time NOW as an adult? Lord, I pray that I can hear your Word and follow your Holy Spirit with passion as if today was the first day I ever knew you.

Thank you, Mason…

What moves people? How can you get them to listen to your message? How do you get them to come to your church?

I say, the only way – ONLY WAY – is through the power of the Holy Spirit and the love of Christ which is the only thing that can compell a man’s heart.

If this is true, why do we have to spend so much time on programs, gimicks, get togethers, and great lighting? I challenge us to look at the great revivals of our past. Revivals set up in dirty tents with uncomfortable seating. The people were hungry and desperate to experience a move of God.

I don’t believe the people who attend Hillsong Church go for the amazing light show – the Holy Spirit is truly present in that place. If your church is dwindling in numbers, I promise, it’s not the hole in the carpet or the lack of a 30 something group that’s keeping people away.

The people are still hungry and desperate!

Mark and I share an incredible ministry together. Every Wednesday night, we lead a young generation to the throne room where we join in with the angels and worship our everlasting God. It is incredibly satisfying, challenging and overwhelming all at once.

However, what Mark and I do on Wednesday nights is just a small part of what Mark does at the church. You see, Mark works at our church…and I don’t. He gets to plan, write music, and cast vision all day long while I’m sitting in my 6′x8′ cubicle blogging, preparing reports, and writing emails.

I’m still trying to find where I fit into the whole ministry since I don’t actually work there. And the hard truth that I am coming to terms with is – I don’t fit in all of it.

There is a portion of the ministry that Mark and I do together and there is a portion that Mark will do with other people. I am learning to share the load and share my husband with a team…but it’s proving to be quite a hard lesson for me.

There is a line in the bridge of the song, “Hosanna”, recorded by Hillsong that makes me cry everytime I hear it:

Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like you have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Everything I have for your kingdom’s cause.

I have become so calloused. A beautiful 9 year old girl told me yesterday that she is moving to Mexico on Friday (and traveling by bus) because her dad is in jail in Mexico and he wants to see her for Christmas. I was shocked to hear it, but my heart didn’t bleed for her. It didn’t hurt . But it hurts now as I listen to this song.

Jesus, BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS. Your people are hurting…I want to feel the hurt and pain because I’m afraid that’s the only way I will ever do anything about it.

Tomorrow, I have the opportunity to speak to the interns of Orchard Road Christian Center and I get to pick the topic. After much prayer and thinking, I have decided to talk to them about “WHAT MINISTRY/LEADERSHIP REQUIRES”. It will be a practical talk about the realities of ministry. I pray it will be encouraging and uplifting, but I plan on talking about some difficult stuff…stuff like:

Ministry/leadership transcends personality and friendships – If you are only kind to your friends how are you different from anyone else. Matthew 5:47. You will have to minister and work with people that you may not “mesh” with. The twelve discipes were comprised of some fisherman, a tax collector and a revolutionary – and the only thing they really had in common was Jesus.

Worship transcends music preferences and music altogether - this explains itself

When your message is not received, you must move on – I’ll warn about the dangers of bitterness and we will review what the deciples did when they were not received.

We will talk about some other things like family, finances and priorities. Pray for me and pray that the Holy Spirit moves! Any thoughts on this issue???

Since Mark and I work with youth a lot, we are quickly understanding how CRITICAL it is for young people to:

• Know the power of God
• Recognize the spiritual warfare taking place over their lives
• Learn to use the authority they have in Christ Jesus

I guess this isn’t just an issue with youth…it’s a problem in all of us. The spiritual realm is often mocked and laughed at nowadays – we are so focused on “living a good life” that we completely ignore the true spiritual battle happening.

It was common in my home to say the name of JESUS when you are scared and say “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND”. It was also common in my home to recognize when something was demonic. We did not call spiritual disturbances “ghosts” we called them demons. It was a real thing to me and so was the power of Jesus. Even as a child I experienced demons fleeing by just saying the name of Jesus. Are kids still learning that in Christian homes?

People – WE HAVE THE VICTORY…even over DEATH! Depression, sickness, demonic opression MUST flee in the name of Jesus. We have the power…He gave it to us! We don’t have to live defeated any longer. All over the world, people are being raised from the dead, healed from diseases and using the authority Jesus handed to them. Why can’t we!?!?!?

Luke 9:1-2

1 And he called the twelve together and gave them power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases, 2 and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal.

Last night, I spent some time with some of my best buddys at the hospital. What should have been a somber and awkward time was a refreshing and belly-gut-laughing time.

I am slowly feeling the tug on my heart to give more…  I want to do more. My plate feels full, but just when I think there’s nothing left to give, God prepares a way and my cup overfloweth!

Seriously, Mark and I gave so much time and money last month and we ended up having more money left over in the bank account and more time together than EVER. It was truly supernatural. We are more energetic and refreshed than ever.

This life is not my own. These posessions are not mine to keep. My time is well spent with others I love. My heart is pounding as I write this…

• sing like an angel
• relate better to my friends when they are going through hard times
• be more knowledgeable about Scripture
• listen better – much better (sorry Mark for the constant interruptions)
• win $1,000,000 playing McDonald’s Monopoly
• start my own business
• lose 15 lbs.

The funny thing about this list is that only one of these things requires luck…the rest, I just need to work at. I can do it. I know I can. SUCCESS IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO EFFORT. Luck is for losers (even though I did win a $50 gas card) - and the rest is in our hands to work hard and become everything we ever dreamed of.

I think and talk about dreaming a lot. Many people talk about the importance of dreaming big and what they hope to be one day.  

I have been thinking really hard about what I want to be “when I grow up.” What would I do in my wildest dreams? What would I be if my biggest dream came true. The answer…unfiltered and without excuse: A stay at home mom.

WHAT?!?! You heard me.

It sounds so mundane and I can’t believe it myself. I have always been a big dreamer – destined for fame I’m sure! It’s really hard for me to even admit this to myself much less a blog post. I have been labeled the eternal working girl on the fast track to a successful carreer.

But, I have finally come to terms with my simple and humble dream. I am consumed by thoughts of starting a family and being able to stay at home with a baby. Cooking, cleaning, volunteering at my local church and buying an apron. More than ministry, writing, starting my own business, or leading the next generation in worship (by the way, those are my other dreams).

What would you do in your wildest dreams???

I am speaking at Ladies Night this Friday at ORCC. I am a little intimidated. I am supposed to talk about having joy in family relationships.

The problem is that the room will be filled with women much older and wiser than me. I do have incredible joy in my marriage and it is so easy to blog and write about the beautiful joys and the ”everyday wonderful” life that I have. It all sounds so good on paper, but will it translate in a room of mothers, wives, pastors, widows, professionals, divorcees, and mentors? Will they be laden with doubt and think that this naive girl just hasn’t experienced enough marriage to know what she’s talking about (will I be laden with doubt?).

Here’s my outline for Friday (on paper):

1. I have been happily married to the man I love for 5 1/2 years (insert joke on how I still count by the 1/2 year)
2. We find joy in our families and marriage by living everyday wonderful – Give quick breakdown of our “everyday wonderful rules” (click the marriage category if you want to read them).
3. We are trying to start a family and while we have endured much pain and loss this year, we find strength to endure by choosing to praise God despite the circumstances – I’ll give a quick nugget on the difference between Praise and Worship and how it is emotionally and spiritually necessary to PRAISE during hard times (that’s a whole other blog post).

Oh God, please give me strength and confidence to talk to these wonderful women. If even not for them, then for me.

If you are in Denver (and a woman) come on out and have
some girl time on Friday!

This week, I went to church directly after work on TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY & THURSDAY – 3 weeknights in a row.

I was working and volunteering. I was worshiping and being fed. I was fellowshipping and having real community. I was dreaming and planning. I feel like our church has become more active – or maybe I have just become more active.

The days were long, 13-hour days, but for some reason…I didn’t mind at all. I think this is a sign. A sign that I could very well be ready for revival. Revival in the terms that I am perfectly OK with God interrupting my perfect little schedule. I’m OK with being at church every night instead of my cozy little home. I’m OK with spending my lunch hour reading the bible instead of going out with friends. I’m OK with the people at church being my best friends. I’m OK that the first place I kiss my husband all day long is on stage before worship starts.

Are you ready for revival to interrupt your life?

…What if I don’t get scholarships to either school???? I would be stuck in ROSWELL without the one I love – FOREVER!

The thought alone was nauseating. I was banking on the fact that my 4.0 grades, membership to every Honorary Society, and captain-ship of every sport imagainable would make me a sure fire candidate for any scholarship available (not to mention that I’m 1/2 Mexican and some part Indian). What if I was wrong?

Then the unimaginable happened – I didn’t get the scholarship to West Texas A&M. DEVASTATION set in. Denver was my only hope now. Why didn’t I cast a larger net? Why didn’t I apply to 20 schools instead of just 2??? Why Why Why?

It was now the 1st week of August. By this time, my parents moved away from my small hometown to pursue teaching careers in El Paso, TX. I was all alone in Roswell with no hope for a future. I was living with my pastor’s family, and I decided to go to church like I always had. I was ready to plead with God for my future.

We finished worship and now the offering bucket was coming around. I had $40 in my purse. That was ALL I had for the next couple of weeks. My parents weren’t there to help me and my next pay check was no where in sight. I decided to give it all. YOU HEARD ME! I gave it all. I threw it in God’s face. I said, “God, this $40 won’t get me to college. But if I give it to you, then maybe you can do something with it.” That moment changed my life.

The next day – LITERALLY, THE NEXT DAY – I got two letters in the mail. One from the prestigious University of Denver congratulating me for getting a scholarship for all of my housing and books and a portion of my tuition. The other was a letter from the US Dept. of Education informing me that I was receiving a Pell Grant to cover the rest of my tuition. Not a loan – a grant. Money in my pocket that never has to be repaid. Overnight – I HAD A FULL RIDE TO DU!!!

It was a miracle. A full blown miracle. God showed me so much during that summer. How to trust in his love. How to have faith for your dreams and desires. And most importantly, how to WAIT on him.

I ended up making it through the next couple of weeks with no money. I registered for classes. I used my last paycheck for gas to drive myself to Denver, and when I got to Denver, my mom and dad sent me $1000. It lasted me the entire school year.

In Denver, I married the man of my dreams and I lived happily ever after…