judi free!

This is my new phrase…as you can see below, it’s soooo true. According to the crazy fruit and vegetable comparison, my precious baby girl is the size of a head of cabbage. I don’t know why they insist on comparing my baby to food…maybe it’s because food is all I can think about these days – well, food and the baby of course. Only 9 weeks to go – here’s to the pregnant life!

Mark took this picture when I wasn't paying attention.

A thousand new thoughts go through my head every day (I’m conviced this is the reason why I forget so much “regular” stuff). Thoughts like: how can I get up as little as possible today? Wow, my wedding ring feels tighter! Whoa…look at my ankles! Is that rumbling in my stomach the taco salad or little June kicking around?

Every part of me wants to be brave and act like I’m feeling and doing great. The truth is…I’m terrified. What if my baby won’t sleep through the night, what if she has colic, should I use a pacifier? It seems everyone has an opinion about these things (a very strong opinion) and there’s so much judgement in motherhood. My friend can’t get the hang of breast feeding and she gets treated like she threw her baby down a well. The pressure is already mounting up!

As I ponder these things, I will continue to waddle around, put my feet up, and eat popsicles…

Mark hinted to me that I might be a tad bit hormonal lately. Of course, I completely denied it until these things happened last week:

• I sat down in my bosses office to let him know I wasn’t satisfied with my review. Before I could say two words, I was sobbing like a baby and couldn’t catch my breath. The poor man didn’t know what to do. I’m pretty sure I didn’t make any sense and made a complete fool out of myself. I haven’t cried at work in the 4 years I’ve been here. It was humiliating.
• During our lovely Valentine’s date, I yelled at the sweet movie attendant about the parking situation before bursting into tears and demanding our money back. Again, humiliated. Good thing Mark saved the night by getting me calm and taking me home for a movie.
• I have been craving doughnut holes for weeks. This morning, I finally went to the quaint, local doughnut shop by our house to indulge myself only to be sold STORE BOUGHT, STALE doughnut holes – Winchell’s, I will cut you.  As soon as I got in my car, I cried.

I admit…I think I would have cried about the doughnuts – hormones or not!

I’m terrified…TERRIFIED…of getting a F A T   F A C E. I’m completely obsessed with the idea that my cheeks will get so puffy that you won’t be able to see my eyes.

I even sleep sitting up most of the night (because I read somewhere that helps with facial swelling). I also wear this every night:

C’mon…you gotta love this contraption!

I’ve read a lot of posts where people want you to tell them one thing you would change or improve about yourself if you could. Well, I don’t need to think one more bad thing about myself. I really need to boost my self esteem and remind myself of why I’m such a fine specimen, so…

Tell me what you would keep? What do you love about yourself? Personality? Physical feature?

Come on…if you got it, flaunt it…Right? Let’s do something to feel good about ourselves.

I would keep my eyes. They are a unique color and usually a conversation starter! Tell me what you got, don’t be shy:

Ever since I got the iPhone, I take pictures of myself every day. E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y!!!! I told my friends this and they laughed their heads off…especially when they saw the pictures. I’m a dweeb that likes to check her makeup and take funny pictures.

For your enjoyment:

I just woke up

With my helmet cam (a whole other story)

Yes, I'm driving. Yes, I have a weird 1/2 open eye.

I have 100 that look just like this.

I guess I’m not technically a “writer”, but this blog is my haven and the people here are my support group. I cannot think of a topic or a darn thing to write. So I leave you with some words from my wacky mother:

1. “If you can think it up, it has probably been done already.” – in response to my incessant “what if” questions.
2. “Remember to smile.” – when I would walk toward her with a frown
3. “I wasn’t calling you…maybe it was the Lord trying to get your attention.” – when I would come to her because I thought she had called my name.
4. “You can’t remember? Maybe it was a lie.” – if I was going to tell her something and then I couldn’t remember what I was going to say. I really hated when she said this because it WASN’T a lie – ha!
5. “Some folks are so heaven minded they are no earthly good.” – oh…that’s a good one!
6. “Slow down, no one is going to steal your food.” – when I would hoover my food in a matter of seconds…little did she know that my big brothers and sister DID steal my food!!!
7. “All you need is love.” – in response to not having money or being in a difficult situation. This is probably the best advice I’ve ever gotten.
8. “Just say the name of Jesus.” – when I would get scared at night.

Did your mom ever tell you something over and over again??!?!?

I just found this picture of me from last summer. I’ve never seen it before and it’s HILARIOUS! I just lost a water balloon throwing contest (Mark won the contest – see picture below). I looks like I’m going to shout obscenities at the sky! I love finding funny pictures of myself…It makes me miss summer time already:

Caption Please!

Mark - FTW!

It’s eerie…

I look just like Tiffany – my sister-in-law…and she looks like me.

We married brothers (who look nothing alike).

Tiffany & I also look like our Mother-in-Law.

Does that mean something gross about our husbands?

Judi Left // Tiff Right

Tiff Left // Judi Right

Judi Left // Tiff Right

My In Laws

Something you didn’t know about me: I used to be obsessed with Michael Jackson. I’m talking about real obsession. I wrote letters to him at Neverland Ranch EVERYDAY and skated to the nearest mail box to mail it – EVERYDAY (this was before Neverland was a known ”hotbed” for bad behavior with little boys). I was bummed when the MJ took a turn for the “strange and unacceptable”. I was really pulling for him and Lisa Marie.

I know the words to most of the songs and every Halloween I still love to watch Thriller – the best music video of all time.

Oh MJ – now everyday is Halloween for you. Your face is your mask and your antics your costume. We will never be able to delight in your superior dance move, moon walk, spin/kick, glittery glove, jerry curled music ever again. At least we still have Thriller…

Most of my friends have already heard this story, so bear with me!

My parents accepted Jesus as their savior during the 70′s when the “Jesus Movement” was in full swing. They were (and still are) radical about Jesus, preaching, soul winning on the streets..and in the clubs, and the bible.

The CRAMMED everything they could and had bible studies nightly with a group of friends who were just as radical as they were. These were young Christians who took the bible as the literal written Word of God.

One day, my mom & dad got a very disturbing phone call…one of their bible study attendees was at the hospital with an EYE PLUCKED OUT!!!!

My mom and dad rushed to the hospital to pray and comfort their friend. Then, they got the full story about what happened…

As it turns out, their friend was envious of a neighbor’s life. Jealous of her husband, her car, her home, and her job. She couldn’t stop looking at her neighbor through the window and wishing it was her own life. She was so obsessed that she went to scripture for the answer. What she read was, “if your eye offends you, pluck it out.” Matthew 18:9. AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT SHE DID!!!!

UPDATE: I won a $50 gas card this morning!

I’m offically playing McDonald’s monopoly! I’m on a roll and I’m so close to winning, I can taste it (literally). I forgot how good the fries are and how the quarter pounder fits perfectly in my hand. Oh pure joy! I have been sucked in and it feels good.

If you would like to help me play, give me your tokens!!!! Here’s to sweet victory…

Monopoly MADNESS!

I shop for a living. It’s every girls dream. I purchase the promotional gifts (swag as some are inclined to call it) and corporate gifts (these tend to be nicer in quality).

Anyway, my job is alot of fun, but there is one occupational hazard – ACQUIRING JUNK!!!! I have so many companies sending me the latest and greatest stuff that my desk becomes a pile of junk. I clean it weekly and I can’t keep it tidy. Here’s a quick snapshot of what I accumulate in just one week…

Swag

• Playing cards
• 5 water bottles
• Maglight
• 2 USB Drives
• Paperweight
• Cuff Links
• Puzzle Game
• Pen

The law of diminishing value definitely applies here…the first USB drive was really exciting, but the 36th was just a hassle to find a spot or person to give it to. I guess it’s my cross to bare!

Age 7: Wearing a huge dress with a hoop in the bottom of the skirt on a tall stage and the entire audience can see my underwear.

Age 8: Showing off to my “crush” by doing an amazing cartwheel and farting in the middle of it.

Age 11: Laughing on my friend’s trampoline during a sleepover and peeing my pants (the pee seeped through the trampoline and dripped onto the girls under the trampoline who were making me laugh).

Age 13: My friend literally gagged and threw up a little when I took off my shoes at a sleepover because my feet smelled so bad. (I hated socks – until then)

Age 16: Mark’s parents catching us making out (heavily) on the couch while I was a guest in their home.

Age 16: Showing up to my first day of college with a huge bruise on my face because Mark accidentally hit me with a laser gun.

Age 17: Leaving my first real job in tears because I outed an affair within the company and I was the one who was asked to leave.

Age 20: Asking my mother-in-law for Sex & The City season 1 for my birthday

Age 21: Crying in front of my boss at work

Age 23: Wearing a sequin shirt, leggins and side ponytail to my CEO’s house

There are several others that didn’t make this list and only Mark knows what those are.

Your most humiliating moment??

Totally random…I was just writing a very serious blog post and “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred came up on my iTunes Shuffle…why do I even own this song!?!?!!  I’m so embarrassed.

I totally lost my will and concentration to finish writing my serious blog post and decided to ask this very important question:

What song is on your iTunes that you are embarrassed of?

Oh my goodness…”Another Night” by The Real McCoy just came on my shuffle. What is happening in my life right now!?!