judi free!

I read something somewhere that impacted me. The only thing I remember reading was “be transparent with your motivations”. It hit me like a semi truck. Here’s a go at being transparent:

1. I want to lose weight so my husband is proud to hold my hand
2. I blog to have an outlet to be honest and to have a very high technorati rating
3. I want a successful career so I can make a lot of money so Mark can be in full-time ministry
4. I worship God because I know He deserves it even when I don’t feel like it
5. I tithe because I know my husband will kill me if I don’t

This makes me think about imperfect motivations. If your true motivation to tithe is because you are afraid what will happen if you don’t…then you should recognize that you aren’t tithing with a pure heart and confront it. But you will never get there if you aren’t transparent with your motivations in the first place.

Sometimes God will still use you despite your imperfect motivations….example: I started leading worship in Catalyst because I wanted to spend more time with my husband and to be in a ministry with him.

My heart wasn’t to minister to young people through music…but I ended up doing just that and now my heart is in the right place. I love the kids, I love the music, I love the relationships we have built with our team, and I love what God is doing in their lives – it’s not about Mark and I being able to be on stage together anymore…it’s about true worship coming from a generation of lost and hurting kids.

What is your motivation?

Last night I had a very unexpected pleasant surprise. My folks came to town to visit a day early. They had been calling me all night, but I was in the Catalyst leadership meeting. They were lost in Denver…

My mom and dad are notorious for being spontaneous – sometimes in the worse way. Last night I let myself get so annoyed that they were here early that I couldn’t even enjoy seeing my beautiful parents last night. I had a violet “spontaneous combustion” of emotions and annoyance last night. I prayed for grace and mercy as I woke up this morning.

I can’t help but think that my rigid schedule might be hurting my emotions. Here’s the sort of things I put on my calendar:

8:30 – 8:45 am: Breakfast
10:00 am: Email Mark about song lists
12 – 1 pm: Lunch
6:15 – 6:40 pm: Drive to Leadership meeting
7:00 – 9:30 pm: Leadership meeting
9:30 – 10:30 pm: Read book and go to bed

I’m to the point of scheduling every last detail in my life just to “fit it all in”. When things don’t follow my schedule…I don’t usually respond well.

I take pride in being organized, but am I going overboard?!?!?!

We are having a leadership meeting for Catalyst tonight. I’m really excited to hear the vision for this very special group. I’m comforted that Pastor Aaron wants us to come to his home for this meeting because Mark and I have learned one very important lesson on leadership in the past 9 months: an impactful leader must have a relationship with his team.

Meaning, Mark and I could not effectively speak into the lives of our team until we built a relationship with each person on the team. We had to let them know that we cared about their lives and wanted to see them grow spiritually. We started calling the team, getting to know what was happening in their personal lives, and listening to their vision for our group. We noticed that when it was time to come practice, they were willing to let us correct them and lead them with ease – because they trusted us!

Tonight, I’m looking to build relationships. That’s all….it’s all about the people…it’s all about relationships.

Josh was making fun of something he saw online…people writing silly letters to carbs. I’m sure it was some goofy comedian wanting to make fun of low-carbers, BUT…as a low-carber myself, I feel an urging desire for those taseful and tempting nutritional values called carbs.

Oh carbs, how I miss and love you. You smell so good. You are so sweet and yet savory. When no one is watching I sneak you in – if even for a moment. Why do you hurt me so bad? Why must you look so good all of the time? There is a carb shaped hole in my gullet and I can’t fill it…

Oh carbs…oh carbs.

As my upcoming 5-year anniversary vacation is looming over me (just 3 weeks away) – I will banish carbs like sin from my life. Keep me accountable…please