#2: Fight Right
March 12, 2008
This could be a blog series in itself. Here it goes:
You will fight. Yes, you will. Life will happen and you will both have your own way of handling it – so, go ahead, get mad, fight it out, ring the bell, the show is about to begin…BUT, you need to fight fair and fight right.
Rules of the fight:
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Fight to resolve, not to be right. Make sure you are fighting for the right reason. If you are fighting just to “win” or make your point, you should shut up and re-evaluate your intentions.
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No hitting below the belt. This means that you should never say something in a fight that will cut the other person deep – nothing about their character, personality, virtue, talents, etc. Many couples develop deep wounds from fights because they said something stupid in the heat of the moment. Keep it clean!
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Stay focused. It is very tempting to bring up the 15 other things you have fought about in the past, but like God forgives us, those past arguements should be thrown in the sea of forgetfulness – if you continually bring up stuff from the past you obviously have not let it go and it will continue to haunt your relationship until you deal with it. Once it’s resolved, it should never be brought back up. No guilt trips.
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Don’t walk away. I am the worst at this and Mark is the best. I get so tired of fighting sometimes that I just want to walk away and not deal with it – I’m soooo over this fight! Mark always pulls me back in and follows me around the house until we have a resolution or understanding. He won’t get out of my face until we are laughing again. To go without saying (but I’m going to say it): Don’t go to bed angry – or anywhere else for that matter. I have heard several friends and family say, “we haven’t talked in days because we were fighting about FILL IN THE BLANK.” Don’t let this happen to you….be relentless in your efforts to come to an understanding.
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1.
mukulsworld | March 12, 2008 at 2:32 pm
just one more thing imay like to add :
decide whether you want to be always happy or always right
mukul
2.
Judi Free.com | March 12, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Great point! thanks for adding…
3.
josh | March 12, 2008 at 3:01 pm
this is a fear of mine about marriage. thanks.
4.
Rita | March 12, 2008 at 3:35 pm
A lover’s fight can be intamate and helpful following the rules..
Life done well … Is Romantic.
5.
Bone | March 13, 2008 at 6:59 am
That is very well said, well played Rita Gail!
6.
obedientson | March 15, 2008 at 3:15 am
The Rocket Summer has a song that is right on point with this. Here are the lyrics, but i know the music will inspire you more than just words on a page, so spend 99cents on itunes and enjoy this gift from me…(haha a gift that i give & you pay for!)
Goodbye Waves and Driveways by The Rocket Summer
“Just walk away, gather your thoughts
for the second wave of this argument
of this epic changing day
It’s crazy to think that an hour ago all
things were great. We stand here both
proud; both wrong and right
Throwing cheap shots in this stubborn fight
And our lives are so intertwined in one.
And we’re just so stuck in this moment
It’s clear that we’re coming undone.
And you see it’s hard for me to breathe
-when I get all worked up with these feelings.
And I don’t know exactly how it is
That we can be so mad
we considered not to exist.
We both know there’s so much
Love clenched within our fists.
Goodbye waves in the driveway just resonate
And yes I’m throwing it right back at her
While we’re drowning in rivers from our faces.
We just want know if this, is this over?
Trembling silence fills the air as we stand here
So impaired, but so aware…
Sit in this house
Alone with fresh photographs
And I just can’t relax
Like cigarette smoke
I’m starting to choke on this:
that half of my souls on the road
In a car with the girl in a dress.
See it’s making it hard for me to breathe
When I get all worked up with these feelings
And I don’t know exactly how it is
That just to say “I’m right
You’re wrong,” we both lose to win.
The Goodbye waves in the driveway just resonate
And yes I’m throwing it right back at her
While we’re drowning in rivers from our faces.
We just want know if this, is this over?
Trembling silence fills the air as we stand here, Oooh
So hey now, maybe we’re just being stupid.
Hey, maybe we’re just being dumb.
No, hey, maybe it’s time that we stopped
And we realize that,
Flag in the wind, we are one.
And how at first it makes so cute and lovely
but in battle can be tore to shreads
With time and patience, and love and affection
We can beat this with needles and thread.
Because I love you! And you love me
And nothing will make this leave!
I said, I love you, and you love me
And nothing will make, make, make, make this leave!
So remember me, Yeah… remember me! Yeah! Remember me?
Don’t Walk Away.”
Please let me know what you think!